I’m soooo excited to unveil a new addition to the blog. I’m definitely riding off of the coat tails of a very popular Tosh.O “Web Redemption” and I’m actually not sure if this will be a huge failure or not, but I will continue to hound people until they do respond, so…no blog is safe and we’ll see. Hopefully everyone can see that this is simply a joke and not to be taken too seriously, but we will see who sheds a tear first…First up:
Oh I love when I find a blog titled: “The Perfect Male Blog”( feel free to check it out http://www.theperfectmaleblog.com/ ) I could just run with this one all day long and now have material in case I ever get stumped forever. He lists the 10 Things That Men Should Know About Women. I’ll list the link so you can read them thoroughly if you so choose (http://bit.ly/k4GwW6 ).
Anyways…#1 is that we are emotional. No shit Sherlock. He says in arguments a man’s best bet is to just calm things down. Well…Jack Foley and Martin Redford, or jack and ass as I will call you…we are emotional because we are exhausted. You slugs lay around most of the day and do nothing while we not only work and carry out our social lives, but any additional event, happy moment in life or something that involves a decision, just piles more work on top of US. So maybe, just maybe…if you could possibly fathom folding your clothes while you watch the game, or better yet vacuuming or just all around doing something during commercials maybe even…then we would not be so “emotional ” and might slightly care about your opinion around a place where you contribute nothing. So you’re damn right we’re emotional, it’s because we are exhausted…your best bet is actually to start doing something around wherever you might stand IMMEDIATELY!
I’m actually going to quote their #2 Women Have a Wild Side, to the tee and then we can just make a comment about how neither of them have probably ever been laid. “If you play your cards right you might get a chance to unveil this aspect of women which all of us yearn profoundly. The key to this approach is to try to work on an impulse and if timing is right, we might get exactly what we want. Note that when getting this side of women, most of them reach limits that even they might even be surprised they had.” I just can not spend any more time on this one.
#3 is essentially somewhat true stating that we like details and mostly we would be happy just to know that the men we are with aren’t so completely self involved that they can remember to do the things that we do for them “once in awhile”. It does go along way… however #4 Women Like It When Men Lead, just goes back to #1. We like it when you make a decision because we are exhausted and just do not want to play a guessing game. Just pick, since you are like children where you say you don’t care and then we have to listen to you bitch all night long when really we would rather be drinking wine, watching bad reality TV, with a People’s Magazine in our hands and you rubbing our backs. Instead…this is what most women see happening when we let you choose the place. The food takes too long at the restaurant you picked, since you insisted, because JackAss over here told you that’s what we wanted, you didn’t make a reservation and now we are feeding you, like a 5 year old, the snacks we packed in our purse since we KNEW this would happen, while we watch you play Angry Birds until your temper tantrum subsides and then you eat as fast as you can, rush home to fart and snore on the couch while you watch their third re-cap of the game on Sportscenter that you just checked on your phone, while not speaking the entire ride home.
In #5 they go on to tell the desperate male population that women are insecure. Agreed! The part I do not agree with is that he tells men to humor us once in awhile by making us feel good. Well if that’s the case then ladies…I invite you to actually humor YOURSELVES as well once in awhile and just tell your man the changes he could “stand to see”. His beer gut, the dirt in his fingernails is disgusting if he would like it to go south of anywhere and thirdly…”Yes babe, you are balding and it’s not cute”.
There’s a few I will just combine since they are a waste of a Top 10.
#6 Women believe in Love at First Sight – I don’t even know where they received that retarded information.
#8 Women get Periods – Well..anyone who had a mother, sister ,or possibly watched any TV in any part of their lives could catch onto this one Einstein. “Maybe I was PMSing when I wrote this post.” If you’re going to write something like that then let men know that the absolute worst thing they can EVER say, even if we admit to it, or say it is, “Do you have your period again?” Don’t get me started on the dramatics of a man when he is even slightly sick…forget cramps, headache, bloating, hormones, weight gain, nausea and fatigue EVERY month.
#9 Women Like Surprises – Who the F doesn’t? Run up to a stranger, a male even, tell him, surprise I got you a penny. I picked it out just for you. He’s not going to be mad about it!
#10 Women like it when things JUST Happen – refer to #9 JackAss. Who doesn’t?
I skipped #7 because it is just too good to pass up – Women Like to Test the Men They Like – Newsflash! We test everyone! Mostly we aren’t testing you we are just literally asking you to do what we want, you’re just too stupid to figure it out or too selfish to want to do it so dumbfounded, you think “Is this a test?” Well if it is JackAss – You’ve Failed!
You don’t know women because most of us don’t know ourselves completely…Times are changing and if I were you I’d consider a very serious update if not a complete confession to not knowing shit about Women. So, are you up for your Blog Redemption JackAss?